Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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