Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
