So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
