i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize