so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
