ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
