I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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