I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
