im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Randomize
