I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
