Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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