You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
jump out the window naked night went bad
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