I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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