Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
