i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
