Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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