You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize