He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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