The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She's the barista slut.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
