i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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