So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
