I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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