What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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