Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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