Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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