I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
