This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
