i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He felt like a one man threesome
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
ok first of all what the fuck
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
