While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
