i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
