We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
