enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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