my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
