nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
