grandma shit on top of the toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
