R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
