One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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