It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
