when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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