My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
