He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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