in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
