Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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