this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize