I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He passed out mid-signature
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Found the puke drawer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
