bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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