I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
