Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
