So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just cropdusted the office
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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