he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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