I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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