I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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