I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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