I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
A bitchslap is in order.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
