I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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