I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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