maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
NoShamevember. You game?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
