wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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