your thong is hanging out like whoa
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
