i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
