I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
should my penis look like a turkey
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
