it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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