They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
