Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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